Dec 02, 2020

From A Children's Therapist

by Dannyell Rasco

Y'all know Danny loves the kids, so I wanted to share a few things that I feel are important when it comes to a child's growth and development!

Talk to your child about feelings

Children are able to process and understand feelings at a very young age. I talk with my 5 year old clients about feelings and it's always really cool to see how they learn to connect their behaviors or actions to certain feelings. I love using Feelings Emojis with my clients because there are so many different ways you can use them. If you’re interested in the feelings emojis, CLICK HERE!

Before feelings emojis, I would draw 5-10 feeling faces on the front of an index cards and the name of the feeling on the back. I would have my client guess what the feeling face was, what things about the emoji helped them know the feeling and then have them share a time when they experienced that feeling.

For example:

Front of Index Card- emoji crying | Back of Index Card- the word Sad

If the child guesses wrong, I tell them "good try" and then explain the feeling and what things helped me know the feeling, for example, "I see tears coming from the emojis eyes and I see he kind of has a frown so that lets me know he may be feeling sad."

Then I ask the client to share something that made them sad (that day, week or at any point). After they share, we talk about what they did or what someone else did to help them feel better. The great thing about feelings like sad and mad is that you can incorporate the importance of coping skills into the activity/conversation.

Model and teach your child how to use coping skills

So I've found in this pandemic that many of my clients are really frustrated with virtual learning. They DO NOT LIKE getting kicked out of class because of wifi or not being able to do something online because of their internet connection. Not to mention the frustration that kids are feeling now that they can't see their friends or teachers like they use to. I've seen kids cry and bang keyboards when technology held them back from doing something on their laptops and tablets. After noticing a pattern, I started having all my clients keep a sticky note on their desk. A small coping skills reminder sticky note. I have them number thr sticky note 1-4, so that when and if they become frustrated or upset they have a list of coping skills they can use to calm down.

1. Breathe In & Breathe Out

2. Count up to 10 and Down from 10

3. Look at Distraction List

4. Stress ball/squishy, stuffed animal, etc.

Breathe in & Breathe Out

I ask them to pretend to smell a flower and blow out the candle 3x." - usually an easy way for them to remember
Ask an adult for help/use your words. For example, "I am frustrated right now because my internet will not work. Will you help me please?"

Count up to 10 and back down from 10, slowly and calmly

Create a distraction list (things you can do when the internet won't work or you cant go see a friend)

Keep a stress ball or a squishy near you - or something you can squeeze when you feel frustrated

**It is also important for us as adults to use coping skills in tense or frustrating situations, especially when we are in front of kids because they are watching and listening. I recommend trying to model using coping skills in front of your kids so they can see you doing it too.

Monitor conversations that may be too mature for kid ears

This is a pretty big one. Some people think this one is obvious, but I am here to tell you it is not. So just a friendly reminder to monitor your conversations because your child may look like they're not paying attention, but they are. I know it's not easy to police conversations, but if you are in a situation to do so, I would def say... do that!

Listen to your child

Sometimes children opinions and thoughts can be overlooked because of their age. I've found that taking a moment to really look at your child and actively listen to what they have to say really goes a long way. Usually as adults we are multi tasking or engaging in something other than listening, so switch it up sometimes and see how they respond.

Disclaimer:

These are just the things that my husband & I PLAN on doing when we become parents - so I thought it would be cool to share with others, but feel free to add your own twist or use this as a starting point. I just hope that after reading this post, you can take one thing away from it!

Although I have my masters in mental health counseling and I am a Children & Family Therapist in Tucson, Arizona, I am not a licensed therapist (that is a 2 year journey in itself), but I have a lot of experience working with children. From being a 4th grade teacher to facilitating prevention programs to youth in Tucson to even teaching parenting classes to help parents understand and communicate with their children more... I do it all. Like I said, "Danny love the kids!"

Xo,

Dannyell